I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I need a beard to bite.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
