bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
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