Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
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I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
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An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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