I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
50% drunk capacity currently
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
