uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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