I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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