Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
