Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
