he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize