I wish my penis had an off switch
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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