Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
