I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
