I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
