When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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