i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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