You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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