You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
