Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
