He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
