thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
