I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
