I wish I only lived at night.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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