question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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