I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
