its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
