Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
