I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
