On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
