Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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