It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
