You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
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She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
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I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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