I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
