In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Someone shattered a urinal.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.