I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
