problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
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He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
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I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...