just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?