Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
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walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
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Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.