I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me