I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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