I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
well I can't set my house on fire every night
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...