Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
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She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
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The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair