I need to stop coming to work sober
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
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as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
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I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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