Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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