he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
