you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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