you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize