The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
