road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
