This girl is more easily done than said...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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