WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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