I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
