I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
