Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
