can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You dont lie about slip and slides
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
