She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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