She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
