So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
