Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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