What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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