Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
