why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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