Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
