Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
