nut hugger
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
