The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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