His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
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She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
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If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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