How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
