I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
