I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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