Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
