Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize