This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
